


this view of you, of the top of your head makes me forgive you

by ninjatools



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brief suicidal ideation, F/F, F/M, Hopeful Ending, M/M, No cheating, Panic Attacks, Post-Chapter 700 (Naruto), naruhina bashing for that one pressed anon lmao, naruto does not cheat on hinata, sns do get together i promise, this is basically naruhina from hinatas pov and how their marriage is not cut out to last, uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23596762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjatools/pseuds/ninjatools
Summary: their marriage is failing and all hinata can do is watch
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hyuuga Hinata, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 4
Kudos: 126





	this view of you, of the top of your head makes me forgive you

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is basically based on both the fiona apple song not about love and eric by mitski (thats where the title comes from) and this verse inspired the whole fic:  
> This is not about love  
> Cause I am not in love  
> In fact, I can't stop falling out  
> This is not about love  
> Cause I am not in love  
> In fact, I can't stop falling out  
> I miss that stupid ache
> 
> anyway this is sort of an experiment and is probably weird so i just hope you dont hate it

He was looking at Sasuke again, his eyes tracking Sasuke’s movements as he talked to Sakura across the room. It makes something heavy settle inside her, a bitter taste coating her tongue.

She’s not naive enough, nor stupid enough, to not notice how he stares; she sees how Sasuke looks back at him with hungry eyes, and she will not be that woman. She will not let Naruto continue too make a fool out of her, even unintentionally.

She can’t keep that same bitterness from her tone when she speaks, words acerbic and cutting and Naruto doesn’t understand, he’s never understood.

She thinks it would hurt less if he was actually fucking Sasuke.

Their relationship was rushed—some would say forced—marriage and kids at 19 was too early, she was too enamoured to see it then, too blinded by what she convinced herself she felt, and by then it was too late.

And it’s not that Naruto is a bad husband, he tries, he really does, that’s just who he is. But he doesn't know what love it, not really, not with her. He said he was in love with her but he can’t even tell that his own marriage is failing. She can’t blame him, she can never blame him.

She finds an unlikely friend in Ino, the woman becoming her confidante, two women trapped in a relationship neither of them want anymore.

Sometimes she feels Sasuke's eyes on her, intense and heavy, something unsettling in the way he seems to appraise her; she wonders if he finds her lacking.

She never quite knows what to make of Sasuke, can’t quite shake the similarities with Neji, cold, searching eyes, a deliberate distance that no one can breach. Sasuke makes her feel like the ghost of her cousin is watching her fail to achieve everything he died for.

She dreams when she sleeps now; in her dreams she dies in the place of Neji, wooden stakes impaled through her flesh instead, but it doesn't hurt nearly as much as watching the man she married pretend to love her back. When she is awake she imagines Naruto’s life if she had died and can’t help thinking that they both might be better off.

She feels like an imposter in her own home, her own life, taking up a space that should be Sasuke's or Neji’s.

There’s times when she watches them together, sparring, or eating ramen, and she can’t help the caustic burn in her eyes, the tightening of her throat, the sharp pain in her palms at their easy relationship, the quiet devotion in Naruto's movements, the passion in the twist of Sasuke's mouth. And she wants to hate them for it, wants to have someone to blame for the mistakes she’s made, but she can’t, not when she sees the care Sasuke rewraps Naruto's arm with, sees how wide Naruto's smile is when Sasuke pulls him along to get tea.

She remembers their wedding day, how excited she’d been at the start of the rest of her life; she remembers the pride on her father’s face, but now, she thinks, that maybe she was more excited about being freed from the yoke of her father.

Sasuke didn't come to the ceremony.

One night Sasuke shows up at their house and she’d been expecting this but that doesn't mean she can stop the sting.

It’s one thing to see Sasuke's soft gaze when he looks at Naruto, but it’s completely different to have his eyes, sharingan just under the surface, staring directly at her, without the buffer of distance. His eyes are haunted, dark and endless, and she thinks that maybe he needs Naruto more than she does.

He asks her _why_ , and the answer that’s always come easy sticks fast in her throat. She can’t lie to the man who’s in love with her husband, not when he’s looking into her eyes with a look of hopeless judgement on his face.

_I loved him._

Sasuke pities her, she can see it in his eyes now, the pinch in his brows when they cross eyes, and he’s around Naruto more now, inviting him out to eat, coming over unannounced, and it hurts but she won’t resent them this. Both boys, men now, share trauma she could never understand and they need each other in a way she could never be needed.

It’s the rainy season, air sticky and wet and Sasuke is sat at her table and asking her to divorce Naruto. It seems like such a simple solution: a conversation and a couple signatures and the destruction of her entire adult life and Sasuke's hand is pushing her head down between her knees and telling her to breathe and all she can do is obey.

_I’ll help you_ are his parting words.

And he does.

The first time she sees them kiss is somehow both a relief and a torment, a tenderness in Naruto's movements that she never received.

She moves in with Sakura. She wakes up at the crack of dawn everyday, a combination of nightmares and worry, and she trains. She avoids the Hyuga compound. She doesn't think about her father. She goes back on the active roster. She recovers, she rebuilds.

Anbu want her and she has nothing holding her back from accepting this time, she trains and trains and learns and makes friends and indulges in things she never could before. She and Sakura grow closer, going from housemates to awkward friends to inseparable to something bordering lovers. The nightmares stop.

And if sometimes she uses her new skills to watch Naruto live out his love story, no one has to know.

(Sasuke definitely knows, but he doesn't seem to mind.)

**Author's Note:**

> uh i hope this was at least readable  
> any feedback is appreciated  
> im @usersasuke on tumblr


End file.
